Perpetual Faker

July 28, 2013

Stop shaking me, I tell myself. Perpetual
child, learner of things and then re-learner
of things. A ceaselessly crying goddamn
predictable statistic, and the poster in that
subway car told me never to be that and
I laughed at it but I believed it. Stop being
a jackass, I tell myself. Well I’ve dug this hole
and I think I’d like to get out but the dirt
in here is warm and feels almost like a blanket.
Always smoking cigarettes, walking
backwards – what a life! To shut your eyes
on the purring truth in your belly, purr
purrrr purrrr. Well I like to comfort myself
with ideas of perception but what is perception
to the purr in my belly? And it’s just a way
to stay the same and I never thought myself
afraid of change but it seems the older I get
the more scared I become. Our Father who art
in heaven, why am I praying? Well boy this hole
must be deeper than the ocean because I cannot
see the blue sky in my dreams and I am praying.

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